I miss school. The memories it hold, happy and achingly painful. I wish I wasn't as depressed as I was in college, life now would undoubtedly be different. Perhaps I would have bothered talking to more people, tried harder to make a few more friends, been another man. 

I miss the challenge of being under a difficult circumstance. You could say I miss the searing heartburns, the tears unwillingly shed, the perseverance that one moulds in the worst of times. Army life is devoid of any real mental challenges. The army, or maybe just my unit, isn't half as tough as my sec sch cca was. Whatever the commanders might shout and scream, it's hard for me to forget that they truly have our concerns in their heart. Turbulent times were the whetting stone that kept my spirit sharp, and now it is blunt from neglect, worn out for the worse. 

I miss my cell groups. I attended 3 weekly in college, and now I cannot make the time for even one. Having my spiritual life choked and constricted by ever mundane army activities is frustrating to say the least. I miss Purpose, and Works. 

I miss you, even after these years. That dull ache that never fades, never abates. There you'll stay, I suspect, forever. I wonder if you ever recall and reminisce, if your finger ever strayed over my name before you decide not to message. Because I do, and some days it kills me so.

Meaningless existence, this is.