Not quite sure I should be writing this post right now, I'll need to wake up early tomorrow to a tiring week.

Maybe that's why I'll need this. :)

Always on the verge of breaking down but also always remembering everything that holds me together - God and the great friends I've been blessed with and way too lucky to have (:

I've been at church camp for the last three days so I haven't been posting much. Well actually two rather than three, seeing that somebody didn't want to respect their promise or my opinion. No matter.

This last camp has been a superb blessing to me, I've been straying too long. Still am, kind of. Where to begin, so many things happened over the last few days heh.

I could start with the groupings, i guess i will :) For Day 1 i was grouped away from my entire cell group (who were all placed together) to be with nessa's cell, who are all really nice but i wanted to spend more time with my youth cell which i've been seeing less and less :/ for those who know me, i treasure my relationships with old friends far more than the opportunity to make new friends :) i can't deny it though, i've always wanted to meet more church youths since I didn't grow up in FCBC and thus kinda know less people than everyone who went through Gkidz and stuff. I'm not the super outgoing time either, it can get so awkward talking to people sometimes I rather just die in some remote corner D:

Only managed to be around on Day 1 for dinner, didn't even get to stay for the night activities but it's all fine and in God's perfect plan so i'm chill :) glad to have the chance to know my classmate's cell better at any rate! And their cell leader looks ridiculously young what the I thought she was an A-leaver!! She's married with a baby what the what the ): I must be getting old sigh. Or maybe she's just so short such that I thought she was young HEHE xD

And I haven't mentioned it yet but the facilitators (officially termed 'sub-comm members' but whateverrrr) are really really awesome people who deserve many awards for being everything awesome. I just repeated myself. This is my uncaring face D: Reuben and Vanessa (the facilitators for my group then) went wayyyyyy out of their way (lol) to get all the group members to know each other and shizz which i personally found very amazing despite having been in such camps or even plan stuff with some uber-passionate OGLs. The effort they put in to ensure no one is left out is astounding. And why do almost all my adjectives start with "A" D:

Arghadhsifo;wergr I am totally going to regret blogging tomorrow. Or rather, later today. I always do, but I blog anyway coz I'm cool like that. Sleeping late is the new cool :D so please don't kill me for my rants and rambles as I forge on to cover the camp before everything is forgotten :)

Was playing indian poker (which btw is not a racist game to those who don't know!) with everyone in my dorm, and I didn't lie a single time to anyone but i ended up as the one doing the most forfeits )< does not pay off to be nice D: christmas carolling to the entire church congregation of another church staying over at the GB headquarters with Li Yu was super epic though, he beatboxes #likeaboss heh. Dancing in front of the two SIM? SMU? girls with Lance and Adrian was just awkward ttm though what kind of forfeit was that?! Reuben you monsterrrrrr D:

Oh dear Lord I've barely covered dinner of the first day I haven't even started on any activities zzzzzzz can i sleep now :( alright time for summary:

1. Made many new friends. Iz happy.
2. Slept very little. Iz tired.

Still reading Atonement (ian mcewan or smth) and it's a draggyyyyyyy read. I've been on it for over a week and I'm still not done (i do have to admit i haven't been reading much :>) why do book suddenly appear so long ): i think i'm one for intense tragedies, but simple ones because i don't appreciate many literary classics that people keep telling me are good ): ): i try to read, i do but they're just so boring ): i think the last book i really enjoyed would be Hitchhiker's though, now that was a hilarious read.

And I'm talking about Atonement because i fell asleep on a bench outside my dorm at 4.30am (thereabouts!) reading it while lying down on the stupid bench that was thinner than me (it's not difficult to be that xD) and i only woke up around 15 minutes later urghhh. Too many angsty thoughts flooding my mind then, as usual, but I'll leave the details for another post :)

3. Interacted with my youth cell more. Iz happy +1

and that about sums up church camp without the most important part. Last morning's (yes, last morning sigh why does time pass by so fast!!) devotion/quiet time/QT (becauseitsoundslikecutieandi'masuckerforcutethings).

1 Corinthians 13 is a chapter that holds great significance to me, being one of the first few chapters that stuck to my memory since my spiritual birth. Love is patient, love is kind and all that, i aspired towards all that so hard then and I.. well, obviously fell short, like most people do. God however chose another section of this chapter to speak to me. I can memorise it :)


7 - Protect, trusts, hope, perserveres. These are the key words, the full verse is "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


Love protects. That's pretty simple, no? My first impression upon this was maternal love, which can get overly protective, but stems from a remarkably deep bond that is often unconditional in nature. It's a natural response to desire to defend those that you love. It's an instinct that most possess. I had no trouble reconciling with this. Love protects.


I'm leaving trust to the last because it's the one I'm struggling with so bad.

Love hopes. It does, doesn't it? You have high hopes, expectations and standards that you want your loved ones to live up to. You hope for only the best to be in their lives. With regard to self, hope is more difficult to handle. I'll lump that with trust.

Alright let's just tackle the last three together.

Trust. Really, trust. I can confidently state that I trust certain friends with everything. Not that I share everything with them, but I know they're there for me when I need them. I don't doubt that, I don't ever doubt them. I'd do the same for them without fail either, I know that too. If I could I would, there's no question about motive, only ability. Betrayal hurts though. I'm sure those who have experienced it know only too well. The sheer sting. The confusion - why would that person do something like that? I'm no wordsmith - I'm not great with language or at writing. I'll just describe it simply, I'm too lazy to bother about how I write right now. The wounds sear your very soul, the scars they leave are lasting. You don't forget. It gets more and more difficult to trust each time you feel betrayed, especially by those you thought would never. Should never. It's still a long shot for me, to place my trust again in people I feel betrayed by.

Hope. What am I to hope for? After having dealt with everything, having accepted and come to terms with everything, am I to hope again? Hope for what? Hoping for restoration of relationships. I guess it's simpler than I thought, I just lack faith heh.

Perservere? I'm tired. Again, only by God's grace have I walked this far.

All of these random straggling thoughts and more kept coming in waves and I ended up wondering how I can have such a perfect love for others.

But I don't have to. By the Holy Spirit we are blessed with God's love. His compassion, His grace, His mercy. Love the world with His love, for my love is not enough, and never will be. It is limitless, it cannot be bound. It is God.

Through God all things are possible. Needing this love more than ever, to deal with what is past and what is to come.

And before I forget, God bless you, random reader :) I'm not sure what exactly compels you to read my blog but may only the best of blessings fall upon you for the week to come. Be happy (: