I have had a blessed life. God has given me much. And the first of them all would be family. It's not something I will talk about here - my personal testimony is, alas, personal still. Nonetheless, I have learnt to release forgiveness to others, and myself. I have learnt to let go of anger, because it destroyed me from the inside. I have learnt that I have someone I can trust and put my burdens on without guilt or fear of condemnation. It was not the easiest of journeys, but I have got this far. I now know that family is to be treasured, that I have the most amazing parents of all times, and a sanctuary of uncompromising love.
And I have had friends a plenty. Be it primary, secondary, junior college, or army, I know God has blessed me abundantly with people who care for me. And whom I care for. Even with my looks and all, God knows my physical deficiencies, I've never been bullied or made fun of in negative spirit. People around me have always been loving, accepting, wonderful. If you are reading this, you probably are one of the amazing people I thank God for to be in my life. Truly, thank you. I never understood why people would enjoy talking to me, I never felt particularly likeable as a person. Yet I am constantly amazed by all of you. I hear of the judgemental people, yet never seem to be placed together with them.
I want to remember some of the amazing people who have been in my life.
My friends from Red Cross, you will always hold a place in my heart. Looking back, many of the things we went through were small and inconsequential, but we overcame so much together. Many of our seniors were not the nicest of people, and in all honesty treated us in ways we pledged to ourselves not to follow when it was our turn to lead. Yet it was there I met the best of people. Hadi, the first adult I ever respected. I don't say this lightly, you were the only adult I looked up to then and wanted to be like. Hanif, your younger brother, great in his own right, and the best platoon mentor one could have asked for. And then, there are my fellow batchmates. I don't want to name names, I would definitely miss out one or two of you. But all of you are so precious. Rushing ridiculous proposals for D-Ang together, skipping (after-school) classes to hang out, scoring 1st place for Indian Dance, auditioning for CAC, with all the crazy camps and countless stayovers at Sheng Yang's house - I couldn't have asked for a better CCA experience. I'm glad we're meeting up soon after so long.
I came to know you, who wanted to take your own life. I came to know that one can love someone unconditionally, and be caught up in another's emotional turmoil in all willingness. I learnt that love can save another. I learnt that it takes years, even for me, to leave all of this behind, yet I have never regretted this for a moment nor will I ever. If you ever read this, I want you to know this - you are worth it. You are so worth it. And even if you feel that the entire world is against you, I am on your side. I was then, I have been here, and I will always be there if you need me. I only pray for blessings in your life, over and over again, because God knows you deserve it.
To my youth cell: thank you. I re-read my old testimony recently, and it was hilarious in its naivety. Yet, it rings true on so many points. Adrian, you were there to talk things through with me. You were the first adult to ever show concern in my personal life other than my parents. I can never emphasise how much that meant to a young boy like me. Craig, Daniel, John, Joel. The four of you were my first experience with a Christian community, and I could not have asked for a better cell. Fun-loving, yet essentially loving. That is what I remember from being in God's community for me then - love. Thank you for being in my life at a time I felt alone even in the midst of being surrounded.
I have had the opportunity to love someone, and be loved in return. I have had the opportunity to survive the heartache after she left (or was it I, from her life?). I think of her even now, and I miss her. The empty ache is there, but I know it is a desire to love someone physically here and be loved again, and one that God will soothe and placate until it is time.
3C and 4C was crazy. I loved it. We weren't those rowdy classes obsessed with gaming or being trendy or girls, we were simply bonded together. It was my pleasure to be the class monitor in secondary 3, then being outshone by Weng Hong with his daily emails and reminders and generally being good at everything including being nice to people. And he's just one of the many awesome people. What am I saying, all of you were awesome. Words cannot express my feelings, I am no wordsmith.
RJFC was crazy amazing too. My seniors, Sharon and Abhi and all the rest that I have forgotten, you paved the way for us to follow, and set an example teaching us what to do. Yet it was my Year 2 experience that was the best. Planning all the events, meeting weekly to share and edify and pray for one another, to reach out to our friends through our numerous events. Vanessa for being the only J2 willing to take charge and be the responsible adult we should all have been, Samantha for her beautiful art and crafts and for making the most amazing doorgifts, Ying Xin for being so enthusiastic, Jia Ni for being so extremely bubbly, Shi Jie for being a familiar face from outside of school and so reliable, and the rest of you whom I can't think of offhand. Of course, with Joseph being Joseph, leading us all and being inspiring :). To be honest, junior college coincided with the worst juncture of my life then, and school was not easy. You guys made it so much better, although none of you ever realised how much being in a community of faithful servants of God was rejuvenating for me.
And then there is my adult cell. I learnt to grow spiritually, and feed on the word and blessings of God and his people. I saw God at work mightily. I was inspired by the lives of others. And most importantly, I found a family that took me in at my worst moment without the slightest hint of reservation.
And there is the Army. Within the midst of the most horrible of organisations and rampant injustice, I had a buddy who gave up his life in a gang because he loved his mother. I met a Christian who taught me so much about what it actually means to lead the Christian life. I had another buddy, who is mature beyond his years, convincingly lies to his mother about being arrested, and is more caring to others than he would let on to others. I made a best friend whom I feel comfortable with sharing anything. I see another who gave up his old ways because he now chooses to put his family first. I see those who walk the darker paths in life not by choice but by plight and necessity. I am touched by the people who show me there is light in the darkness.
If you are reading this and wondering why you aren't mentioned, let's be honest now. I probably still talk to you regularly. If I don't, I should be, so drop me a message of sorts. I promise to try my utmost not to be awkward :).
There's so much more I want to say, so many people to mention, and so little time. Perhaps I shall simply end off with a verse, for what better way is there to end than with God on my mind. And so, my birthday verse.
Ephesians 3:16-19
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
God willing, keep me on Your path forever.
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