Too much to ask, that i don't care for a day? :/

erm guys you are not serious the number of visitors on my blog spiked because i said i was gonna post something slightly /wrist? x.x c'monnnnn

bless y'all anyway and belated merry christmas all (:

oh well no angsty posts because i have awesome friends whom i am eternally grateful for.

thank you God for miraculous timing and stuff (:

alright folks stay up if you will for yet another lengthy exposition of my sad sad life which i will begin writing at 3 because that's the prim and proper time for all melancholic chaps with a tale or two to ramble off into on the internet. adios, till then.

urgh i'm so unfaithful to God it irks me so bad D:

the party was great, really. so much fun and it was meaningful too (:


but i don't know why but i'm missing you so bad right now and it hurts.

i don't know how i'm spending so much time till so late HAHA but whatever (: life is good.

bahhhh what am i doing, being irresponsible and all :/ life sucks but that's no reason to disappoint others anw
i'd promise a great long awesome hot sauce post tomorrow but i'm sorry guys life is just a hectic mess of poodoo right now and i hardly know what i'm doing anymore. till next time folks (:
-
and you were right, btw. you were right all along and i was too stuck up to acknowledge that.

HAHA supposed to write a good post today but I guess i'm going to delay that for another time. Dragon Nest is just too addictive lololololol i need a new hobby! The books i'm reading now are supposed to be awesome literature but I can't appreciate any of them I think i've regressed #failatlife #somebodysaveme

Those with a Tender Heart

I struggle to balance "hardness that destroys and hardness that saves", as Piper says it. Bah i'm sleepy and not making sense to myself, gdnite world and god bless (:

All in for a lengthy post? I've been meaning to write one for the longest time but I need all the energy I can possibly have tomorrow. Seeya fellas.


And welcome back to Sg (:

This is a beautiful song. (:

even if my dreams will die.

I love tumblr it's like everything I want to say, except I don't actually say anything :>

didn't think about it, I just went on with it.

when did this happen, i don't know you anymore.

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 


Made in His image :)


God bless you everyone!

hmmmmm planning and inviting people to a Christmas party is hard work but it'll all pay off in the end (: pray that the party will be a successssss!

If I could, I would.

I know I keep repeating myself but I'm still thanking God for all my friends why are all of you so wonderful ahsiog;nergo;reibneo;bnioe;bjo;iba

God is amazing and so are my friends :)

You think that you know me, know me, know me.

I know what holds me back and I thank God for everything He has done in my life.

Always.

mwahaha first day in a while i'll be sleeping before 3 :>

Have a great time back in Taiwan, btw. (:

The stuff I tumblr and the things I blog about make me feel like I'm a little girl sometimes ):

L4D2 with ara was beyond awesome but gosh am I bad at that game XD

Weary beyond comprehension or description but placing everything in God's hand anyway.

It's when you've lost everything when you gain it all.

Verse of the Day: Philippians 1:21

"For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Death can be appealing to some but as long as I live Christ is the only answer.

I cannot help but think of you and be sad because it is night time ): wish you were here now.

Not quite sure I should be writing this post right now, I'll need to wake up early tomorrow to a tiring week.

Maybe that's why I'll need this. :)

Always on the verge of breaking down but also always remembering everything that holds me together - God and the great friends I've been blessed with and way too lucky to have (:

I've been at church camp for the last three days so I haven't been posting much. Well actually two rather than three, seeing that somebody didn't want to respect their promise or my opinion. No matter.

This last camp has been a superb blessing to me, I've been straying too long. Still am, kind of. Where to begin, so many things happened over the last few days heh.

I could start with the groupings, i guess i will :) For Day 1 i was grouped away from my entire cell group (who were all placed together) to be with nessa's cell, who are all really nice but i wanted to spend more time with my youth cell which i've been seeing less and less :/ for those who know me, i treasure my relationships with old friends far more than the opportunity to make new friends :) i can't deny it though, i've always wanted to meet more church youths since I didn't grow up in FCBC and thus kinda know less people than everyone who went through Gkidz and stuff. I'm not the super outgoing time either, it can get so awkward talking to people sometimes I rather just die in some remote corner D:

Only managed to be around on Day 1 for dinner, didn't even get to stay for the night activities but it's all fine and in God's perfect plan so i'm chill :) glad to have the chance to know my classmate's cell better at any rate! And their cell leader looks ridiculously young what the I thought she was an A-leaver!! She's married with a baby what the what the ): I must be getting old sigh. Or maybe she's just so short such that I thought she was young HEHE xD

And I haven't mentioned it yet but the facilitators (officially termed 'sub-comm members' but whateverrrr) are really really awesome people who deserve many awards for being everything awesome. I just repeated myself. This is my uncaring face D: Reuben and Vanessa (the facilitators for my group then) went wayyyyyy out of their way (lol) to get all the group members to know each other and shizz which i personally found very amazing despite having been in such camps or even plan stuff with some uber-passionate OGLs. The effort they put in to ensure no one is left out is astounding. And why do almost all my adjectives start with "A" D:

Arghadhsifo;wergr I am totally going to regret blogging tomorrow. Or rather, later today. I always do, but I blog anyway coz I'm cool like that. Sleeping late is the new cool :D so please don't kill me for my rants and rambles as I forge on to cover the camp before everything is forgotten :)

Was playing indian poker (which btw is not a racist game to those who don't know!) with everyone in my dorm, and I didn't lie a single time to anyone but i ended up as the one doing the most forfeits )< does not pay off to be nice D: christmas carolling to the entire church congregation of another church staying over at the GB headquarters with Li Yu was super epic though, he beatboxes #likeaboss heh. Dancing in front of the two SIM? SMU? girls with Lance and Adrian was just awkward ttm though what kind of forfeit was that?! Reuben you monsterrrrrr D:

Oh dear Lord I've barely covered dinner of the first day I haven't even started on any activities zzzzzzz can i sleep now :( alright time for summary:

1. Made many new friends. Iz happy.
2. Slept very little. Iz tired.

Still reading Atonement (ian mcewan or smth) and it's a draggyyyyyyy read. I've been on it for over a week and I'm still not done (i do have to admit i haven't been reading much :>) why do book suddenly appear so long ): i think i'm one for intense tragedies, but simple ones because i don't appreciate many literary classics that people keep telling me are good ): ): i try to read, i do but they're just so boring ): i think the last book i really enjoyed would be Hitchhiker's though, now that was a hilarious read.

And I'm talking about Atonement because i fell asleep on a bench outside my dorm at 4.30am (thereabouts!) reading it while lying down on the stupid bench that was thinner than me (it's not difficult to be that xD) and i only woke up around 15 minutes later urghhh. Too many angsty thoughts flooding my mind then, as usual, but I'll leave the details for another post :)

3. Interacted with my youth cell more. Iz happy +1

and that about sums up church camp without the most important part. Last morning's (yes, last morning sigh why does time pass by so fast!!) devotion/quiet time/QT (becauseitsoundslikecutieandi'masuckerforcutethings).

1 Corinthians 13 is a chapter that holds great significance to me, being one of the first few chapters that stuck to my memory since my spiritual birth. Love is patient, love is kind and all that, i aspired towards all that so hard then and I.. well, obviously fell short, like most people do. God however chose another section of this chapter to speak to me. I can memorise it :)


7 - Protect, trusts, hope, perserveres. These are the key words, the full verse is "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


Love protects. That's pretty simple, no? My first impression upon this was maternal love, which can get overly protective, but stems from a remarkably deep bond that is often unconditional in nature. It's a natural response to desire to defend those that you love. It's an instinct that most possess. I had no trouble reconciling with this. Love protects.


I'm leaving trust to the last because it's the one I'm struggling with so bad.

Love hopes. It does, doesn't it? You have high hopes, expectations and standards that you want your loved ones to live up to. You hope for only the best to be in their lives. With regard to self, hope is more difficult to handle. I'll lump that with trust.

Alright let's just tackle the last three together.

Trust. Really, trust. I can confidently state that I trust certain friends with everything. Not that I share everything with them, but I know they're there for me when I need them. I don't doubt that, I don't ever doubt them. I'd do the same for them without fail either, I know that too. If I could I would, there's no question about motive, only ability. Betrayal hurts though. I'm sure those who have experienced it know only too well. The sheer sting. The confusion - why would that person do something like that? I'm no wordsmith - I'm not great with language or at writing. I'll just describe it simply, I'm too lazy to bother about how I write right now. The wounds sear your very soul, the scars they leave are lasting. You don't forget. It gets more and more difficult to trust each time you feel betrayed, especially by those you thought would never. Should never. It's still a long shot for me, to place my trust again in people I feel betrayed by.

Hope. What am I to hope for? After having dealt with everything, having accepted and come to terms with everything, am I to hope again? Hope for what? Hoping for restoration of relationships. I guess it's simpler than I thought, I just lack faith heh.

Perservere? I'm tired. Again, only by God's grace have I walked this far.

All of these random straggling thoughts and more kept coming in waves and I ended up wondering how I can have such a perfect love for others.

But I don't have to. By the Holy Spirit we are blessed with God's love. His compassion, His grace, His mercy. Love the world with His love, for my love is not enough, and never will be. It is limitless, it cannot be bound. It is God.

Through God all things are possible. Needing this love more than ever, to deal with what is past and what is to come.

And before I forget, God bless you, random reader :) I'm not sure what exactly compels you to read my blog but may only the best of blessings fall upon you for the week to come. Be happy (:

wah why my previous few posts so angst O: nvm fresh start fresh start! by God's grace :)

back from church camp :) :) :)

fun and meaningful three days (: will update more later if i'm not feeding my gaming addiction~ :D

Honour, honour and honour. The Bible tells me to honour my parents, and I do try. God knows I do, so very hard. It's difficult, no one said it'd be easy, I certainly don't expect it to be. Life at home has not been the best of experiences for days. Months. Years. And everything is still spiraling downwards.

I've been having the thought that sometimes God just wants to bless those around me at my expense. I love the word/phrase(?) that nick told me, "world-weary". Not world-wise or the like, I am anything but that. Just tired. I seem to be saying that too much recently, but it's alright.

I'm beginning to enjoy trials and tribulations now, I genuinely am. I've seen how troubles pull others away from God, but I've never been on that path before. Struggles pull me closer to God, they only make me stronger. Through Christ all things are made possible. Hard truths that keep Singapore going.

---

I keep ending up writing and deleting consecutive posts because everything's too personal for a public blog and I'd have to agree with myself there. And agreeing with myself is pretty creepy but it's 3 in the morning and I've got the right to be creepy. Well not really, but still! I like to talk to myself and there's nothing you can humanly do to stop me >:

---

Why bother seeking my opinion if you don't care? You say you do but it's almost as though you're out to hurt me. If I didn't know better.

Living on 2 hours of stolen sleep for the past two days, I know I have to rest but I couldn't care less. 

Tired but you never seem to give a fuck anyway.

Paperthin Hymn

When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight

These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight

You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the lord

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
Over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
Over and over
These thoughts run through my head

I won't be there forever.

enough angst wtp. it's a girl song but who cares it's kinda happy.

i don't even know why i'm listening to this i don't even enjoy this genre heh.

Lingering Still by She and Him :)

I like to learn things slow
I like learning a lot 

I like to get it all again and in the end you know you get what you got 

I like to mean what I say 
But it dont always come through

Cause if I say it all again again again it doesnt make it more true

And the worlds like a science and Im like a secret 
And I saw you lingering still, still
I saw you lingering still 

Its all just news to me 
Dont really care if it hurts 

Cause if I knock it I wont know it, then I know that it will only get worse

He was different at first
But then he wont understand 

Because hes never gonna know me if he doesnt want to just shake my hand 

And the worlds like a science and Im like a secret 
And I saw you lingering still, still
I saw you lingering still 

And the worlds like a science and Im like a secret 
And I saw you lingering still, still
I saw you lingering still 

And the worlds like a science and Im like a secret 
And I saw you lingering still
I saw you lingering still

This world is too much noise
It takes me under
It takes me under once again
I don't hate you
I don't hate you, no

You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord

Too many thoughts rushing through my head, i don't know where to begin. I never knew where to begin.

Well, no better time to blog than when i'm slightly angst-like and teen-ish because i don't do happy posts and that's how i roll.

Sometimes i feel like writing letters to the people dearest to me, things i'll never tell them. But i read somewhere writing these kinda stuff borders on suicidal tendencies and i'm pretty disinclined towards that. Nonetheless, it is a tempting choice (writing letters!), it's the sort of relief one attains with personal diaries (that reminds me, where's my old one o.o) or just putting down one's thoughts into actual words. Which must be what i'm doing now. Hooray for self-awareness :>

It's difficult for me to grasp the Bible still, i don't expect it'll get easier in the years to come. Anger, vengeance hate - these come so naturally to me that sometimes i have doubts that these are separate from what i am and should be. The undeniable elation in executing flawless revenge schemes, wallowing in sinful joy as the little kinks in your machinations fall perfectly into place. The gloating that comes afterwards. It's hard to remove these feelings, but I do somehow, only by God's magnanimous grace.

---

You don't know how much you've hurt me, and you probably never will. I care too much and too little to tell you anything at all.


I thought i saved you but the delay only made it worse, didn't it? If it means anything i wish i stayed, i wish i was a better friend, a better man. I should have been there longer forever, i'm so sorry.


You left me. It took years for you to fade, then the nightmare. It was your eyes. Visceral, commanding, piercing through my disarray of unformulated arguments. Those maroon tears, graced on your face. The relentless torrent of rain clouding my view, my forsaken mind. Darkness, aphotic. The riveting intensity of eyes so soft and warm. Unbearable. Unceasing. Undulating waves, narwhals and rainbows. Unicorns and shit. Which incidentally still are rainbows. I just spoiled this paragraph and this is my Uncaring face telling you I care.

And there you have it, three tear-jerking angst-ridden emo-cloud-overlooming-shizz posts that are so sad i demand you to cry right now. And my english sucks but i'm cool like that. Also cryptic since they can't possibly be read by the people they're meant for. I love being mysterious because cool guys don't look at explosions obviously are.

You don't understand but i never expected you to.

Didn't think my fashion sense was that bad ): pretty much screwed for prom hehe~

and kais if you read my blog REPLY YOUR WHATSAPP D:

Insomnia back on full swing.

Well done shao, well done.

oh no you don't.

Pray for me for the coming two days if you pray at all, it'll be a horrible stretch for sure.

The prelude's as good a foreshadow as any.

I keep telling myself that I've much to give thanks for, and that indeed is true.

I don't have many acquaintances, but I do have a close group of friends. And to me, one close friend beats a thousand friends without a doubt (:

If I talk to you at all I probably care loads for you but wouldn't voice my concerns coz it's aaaaawkward and i'm cool like that. Unless you're _______ or _________ then.. Tbh there really only are two people that I genuinely dislike rn :/

If I talk to you once a week or more, you're a total blessing my life :)

If I talk to you on a daily basis, you're probably my best friend(s).

Feeling a little silly, of course. Listing friends like that must be a little old for a kid like me. No, not listing. Ranking.

I'll just revel slightly longer in this passing moment.

Do you know what you're doing?

Apathy to Blessings, Callousness to Desire.

I'd write a long post now that As are officially over for me but..

Sleep.. ?

I won't forget you.

Self-righteousness.

That was awkward >_> i don't think i should have replied her LOL

God bless y'all :)

A levels will be a breeze with Christ by my side (:

In Your power, awakening.

Awake my soul

Happy happy :)

God bless, yea?

my Lord my King :)

"Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing." Isaiah 40:26

:)

Burning deep within.

Come like the wind, and sweep throughout this place.

The problem is, you try too hard.

how apt, really.

i'd never have guessed.

You found me :)

reading my draft posts that never published; the wonders of teenage angst trololol.

i feel so beyond those times now, but it's true,

it's always that same one things that gets you.


edit: BAHAHAHAHA same one thingS LOL emo fail

When you lose the ability to apologise.

I'm sorry.

some things never get old.

"I really, really want to go there."

Forging on because I am a warrior. Because I don't know how to be anything else anymore.

what you think you know. sigh.

I will trust you, even in my suffering.

Better us than them, i suppose. Never wishing my afflictions on another, but a kindred spirit is hard to find.

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No rest for the hardened.

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The flame that burns inside

I don't even know where to begin. Everything's a mess.

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Scent from Heaven

Strawberries and friends.

When does everything become too much? I guess we'll just have to find out heh.

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observe.

Exodus 32 - the Ten Commandments and the Golden Calf
The call to extreme discipleship is the call to wholehearted worship (ie. total commitment).
Worship is being devoted.
idle worship results from idol worship (putting things before God).
Psalms 106:39

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do you believe you can change the world?

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dark brooding thoughts and mirthless laughter,
a sham of shame and void, anger.

Worst headache ever. Never overdose on coffee. Never.

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Jy shao.

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I hate waking up thinking about you.

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No longer seeking explanations for tears, all for nothing and too many. Giving it all, every aspect to the Lord :)

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?

Hahahahahhahahhaha old stuff i found on fb :)

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#blogging coz tumblr and even twitter are public now..

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Blogger on android lololololol

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looking forward to the day to come :)

break my heart for your purpose, i am Yours.

"Let's start with the main course, shall we? - It's starting to get cold.'

i wonder if you think of me the same way i lie awake in the night thiinking about you.

i suppose its just another one of those times im at a loss for words despite brimming with things to say.

unfulfilled dreams, realised lamentations

  I wish you knew that I'm simply tired.  Weary of my burdens. For each smile that I make a little more of my soul withers away into nothingness. Years of putting on a facade of happiness has not been kind. And even then I smile - to deter questions or fit in. But I no longer do that; it's not hard to tell if you've known me personally for a while. There are times the world is too much, and I retreat from the world, withdraw into my own shell of cyclical musings. Each memory bears down upon me like the blows of a sledgehammer, and I crumble to pieces.

I wish you knew you shouldn't place your faith in me. That a broken vessel like me will only fail you when it's finally drowned. I wish people didn't depend on me. They don't see the latent melancholia, the propensity for intense rage, the potential for despair. I wish you knew the reasons I'm broken. But you never will, I'll never tell and they'll be mine to secure. In any case, they're not for me to divulge.

I wish you would realise that you have a wonderful family. That most of you out there have a great family. That your parents love you. That you'd reciprocate that love and not be a rebel. I wish you knew how precious each family member actually means to you. I wish you'd appreciate them, before it's too late. Life is fickle. They might not be around forever. So stop bitching about how you lack freedom. How they're restricting your life. How they're not willing to give you more pocket money. Trust me, these won't be on your mind when they're gone, permanently. And yet every time I tell you this, you think it's a joke. You don't know what it's like to feel the tears edging their way to the corner of your eyes whenever your friend's parent(s) treat you nice. You don't know what it's like to be on the verge of breaking down when you see a child's delightful laughter as she cruises the narrow pathways on the back of her father's rusty bicycle. (It just seems right for me to point out right now that my parents are both still living, if you're starting to assume otherwise.)

When I grow up I'm want to, and am going to be a good person. I'd make sure my children never have to go through the experiences I had and have. Even if Fate is out of my hands, I'd be there for them, always. I'll give them all the opportunities I've never had. I'll be an awesome parent, not an absent figure. Materialism is rendered insignificant in the light of familial relationships.

I detest people who indulge themselves in their pitiful problems. It's the strong people that press on without complains. Find yourself bitching all the time to everyone about how your life sucks? Shut up. If you're always complaining you're probably the one with the most superficial shit of all times.

I hate insensitive people. Talented? Don't be a show-off. Pretty? Don't dress like a slut or worse, act like one. Clever? Be humble. Your gifts are a blessing to you so that you can effect positive changes in the world. They are not given to you so that others are made to feel inferior or inadequate. Your immaturity is a abominable stench that all are averse to, and even then you persevere in your elitist mindset. Feeling great about putting others down now, aren't you? Don't worry, you won't succeed in life, that's a fact for you.

Death fascinates me - before I came to know Christ and even now. Its allure lies to escapism - imagine the immediate resolution of all your hurts and agony! Yet I had sense enough to know I'll only hurt those that are left behind. And now I have a God I believe in with all my heart.

I wish I could make you understand how God is real. That I know His presence so well, that He has revealed to me His presence in undeniable ways. That His unconditional love is always available to everyone. I wish I possessed the burning passion I once had to share His truth - a desire buried deep in the recesses of my heart under layers of pain. That my hurt lies in comprehending His timing in my life, not an existential doubt of God's omnipresence.

I wish you would recognise that Christians aren't all extremist. We don't hate gays, and we most definitely don't touch children. There're so many things most of us aren't, and you guys are so willing to parallel us to them on the most strenuous of links. I understand those who have undergone personal negative experiences with Christians, but those who jump on the bandwagon of vilification are, to be honest, very irritating.

I wish you knew how much I love you if i consider you my friend, or even acquaintance. That I'd do anything to make you feel happy when you're down. That'd I'd give the world to bring back a smile on your face. I wish you knew how emotional I truly am, that the things you say or do matter to me more than you can ever imagine. I wish you knew I always try to think the best of people until they prove me otherwise. I wish you knew you're one of the reasons I live for.

I wish people knew how beautiful they really are. That you're not perfect, but you don't have to be. That God loves you for who you are, and if it helps, I try to emulate that too. And so do many others who are able to perceive beyond the pretentious veneers of external 'beauty'. Just be who you are.

I just wish you understood, a little bit more about me.

p.s. i know the one thing i'll wish for in the morning - wishing i never wrote this down.

i just need someone to talk to.

a painful story to dream

why you, why now.

why are you crying tears of blood

misery is my lullaby.

somehow this just makes me happier than anything else :)

twitter on com sux ): always cant load properly one..

No, you're not.

Why do you insist?

Everything breaks.

Those who don't admit their mistakes will only lead others astray.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

Simple words, hard to apply. But it's an awesome struggle :)

too good at all the wrong things. damn.

Family is not a place where you wake up to screams and shouts.

To senseless arguments.

To an endless cycle of misery.

Family is a place to love, and be loved.

A place of meaningful dissent, then heartwarming reconciliation.

A solace from sorrow, a refuge from the rest of the world.

I'd miss Family, but I never had one.

At least I'll fucking know how to make one when I'm through with this shit.

--

And fuck you, if you think fucking kicking someone awake if fucking funny coz it fucking isn't.

/angst

it's sad to say, but..

family - the bane of my very existence.

and the first good dream i get after that long string of horrible ones is.. playing street fighter at amos' house.

it doesn't help that i woke up with my left eyebrow twitching. damn.

---

everything changed, but i never thought you would. daaaaamn.

goodnight world, peace and happiness upon all of you (:

ah, the endless complexities and intricacies of life.

you're lucky i only counted 4.

well.. 5. that would have been ugly.

---

watched "Gamer" on my psp (yes guys, GAME-r, get over it.). It's set in a world where, well, you play online simulation games. Except you're controlling real people. The only bit that caught me was this - "Some people pay to control, and some people pay to be controlled."

A life where someone makes the decisions for you? No tough calls, dude. No responsibilities. No stress. No worries. Everything is pretty much planned for you.

Is it sad, that this notion appeals to me?

On a side note, I despise the stereotyping of fat people being sexually depraved, piggily gluttonous.. and well shoot me if you want.. fat.

---



nightmares are back

well it's true, i miss you

dazzle 12 0 11
bara 17 4 8

rofl play too much alr ^.^

many things to thank God for, i'll just stick to amos and soccer for today :)

you got off lucky.

don't do that again :/

hur hur hur. i'm so going to love tomorrow.

i'm done with the angst, it's time to move on
you don't know what you've got till it's all gone

you. you go on and pretend everything's fucking fine.

i'll just..

nothing, and this is nothing.

"oh."

And there goes my hopes of DotA, and more importantly, rest. With the rest of my sanity. Down, down, down the fking abyss. Or shithole, if you like.

Life is good.

irresponsible bastard.

someone pls remind me y i wan go home early.

to rest?

that's a good one.

on a more optimistic note, this song is hilarious.

Preparing for a mini-sermon after waking up to bright flashes of my phone's screen due to late night sms :D glad i'm not only reading, but analyzing the Word of God as well ((:

Excite~

God speaks in really funny ways hahahahahaha xD being a Christian is fun :)

heh, just tired. i'll be fine tmr (:

pictures, pictures.

i should never have rummaged through my cupboard, there goes my study night.

we could have been.

but oh well, it's been a while, and i've moved on.

love is patient, love is kind, love is..

madness, one i'll bear.

fond memories, sweet nothings.

nothing.

lovesick.

we gonna save the world tonight~

SHM's new song is nice (:

if you haven't got an iota of understanding, please shush.

concern is all you've got, not what i want

not what i need

---

this was supposed to be a happy day.

Oh life.

Life.

Immanuel, always.

i hate how i hate you

because it burns, so fucking bad

You deserve all praise :)

You deserve all praise :)

AND HAHAHAHA I JUST SAW MY OLD POSTS YTD

their concerns seem so distant now :>

my saviour lives (: so much to share, so little time.

maybe i'll post tmr :)

happy~

probably going to be laughing my arse off at the appalling standard of english HAHA. maybe i'm already laughing.

and i don't know why

Everyone's a lil' down huh.

Ain't that just fkin' great.

Ain't know why I still be prayin', hot damn. Just so restless today. Probably gonna be laughing my arse off at these posts tmr when i'm a little bit saner.

lil' bit stronger.

i just know i'll be fking tired tmr.

won't be finishing my lit essay, won't be passing napfa, won't be awake during cell.

not looking forward to the day :/

---

today was pretty much fine. just like any other day. maybe that just makes it not fine, but whatever.

spent the morning slpin' instead of studying. well, gonna fail that math test anyway, why bother? studied the previous day (and nite) anw. and yup i guess when i took it i more or less knew it'd just be the same all over again.

spent break with the guys until good friend amos farted. facing me. less than 10 cm away.

shifted to girls table.

lit tutorial was okay. nothing new, except the central reality of pain. damn, we have ours too, just not as flashy sometimes.

missed math lect, lit ended late and i went to the washroom then i went to sleep. louis went for the lecture but ended up missing 40 out of 50 mins of the lecture, so i guess i don't really care much hur.

lit lecture was.. let's just say the slides provided were miniscule. i mean, i bloody love to read and write tiny, but c'mon that was downright hilarious.

GP was good. Mrs Chong awesome as usual (wah freak lah rili wish i handed in the stupid AQ), i got 8 for the previous AQ (along with almost everyone else o.o), ran through the compre in-class, didn't do too gd or bad.

mood: moody.
song: say my name by destiny child. no, destiny child, we don't even know your name. on the other hand, we do know yo mama - her name be Destiny ;P (the joke's a pure rip-off from nigahiga, jsyk.)

ah fk i'ma slpin' now. srsly no feeling stay up or slp zz. fkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk tired bt nt slpy. tmd. @!#%*Y#*()YG*(HV*()WE$HT(#@_%Y@)_!&$)

really can't stand the sight of you.

too damn beautiful.

urgh was feeling happy until i checked my email, mrs chong is angry and i guess its partially my fault. pfft handing in AQ first thing in the morning. screw tiredness lah it was freaking irresponsible, somemore its work for her, not say like other ppl. bzz sianz.

not that again.

God bless you, I'll be praying, like I have been, for you. For many others too, but more so for you today.

So once again, gbu, friend. Peace and calm descend upon your heart (:

spiritually high :) it's good to be like that once in a while

once i start praying i don't feel like doing homework anymore.

but yeah, we have an awesome God :)

through all circumstances, baby. let them come, we'll find a way through.

---

just wanna rest in your presence, your embrace.

=.=

sneezing like a boss too ): walao eh..

---

get well soon! :)

our wishes all

it's a little bit, funny
this feeling inside

the moment you realise you're insignificant, that there's more to life

not the first time, i wish i knew what was on your mind

Royally screwed like a boss rofl

and.

don't ever talk about my friend like that in front of me.

that's not something i'm going to forget.

dota with nick just made my day :)

and we're back! :D

finally come to terms that i can't stand feeders hur. behind the face of anonymity there is only impatience :>

going to sleep now hurrah. really can't be bothered about work or life in general anymore

and again i'm left contemplating why i'm staying up late again.

why i'm so filled with anger, why music plays upon the strings of my heart akin to that of a harp, why i still think i can finish that history essay.

why i'm such a teenager and rebellious and uncompromising and unwilling to sleep.

why i'm not content, with

and now, the guilt settles in.

Really can't do my term papers, but i'm so worried the teachers won't believe me. Just you like you wouldn't be lieve me if i told u i'm typing this wihile closing my eyes. Srsly, can't look at blocks of text without tearing. It's freaking ridiculous and the thought of it makes me want to cry. But i won't. There are better things to cry about :)

Today was a bloody ridiculous freaking boring downright dumb day coz i wasn't in school and i want o talk to kaitsi liyu amos berns nick daryl and oh so many people. Contrary to popular belief staying at home does not equate to rest. I wish it was. Haven't been ill this bad a for a frakin' long time. Fever subsided alr but cough and flu awesome as ever. Maybe even worse. Polyclinic useless doctor conveniently avoids all questions i ask and gives me condescending nods a fake smile like a freakin' barney dinasaur gaylord and i'm like wtfrk doctors are supposed to be nice kind compassionate and.. not you. I find out the polyclinic has registered me as a poly student so i haven't been getting student prices for medicine and consultations for like foreer. Tmd Pap You Watch Out Next Election I Vote Majority WiN and you going down~

trying to read managa the whole freaking day but it's failing coz if ichigo doesn't kill the opponent in twenty pages i'm probably going to die first from staring at the computer screen. and urgh i bet mr kwok won't understand that i can't freaking do a his freaking term paper and i even actually tried to look at his notes and rummage through my brain and actually almost complete it but i'm more than half asleep all the time and i'm seriously damn freaking tiered the whole time and i can't bloodydo work. I love run on sentences.

Missed nick's birthday twice already, both last year and today. Guess hat makes mea bad friend, that i din't even bother tryingto go down. Damn, i do feel fked up. But whateve dude, happy birthdya, i've been there on two occasions to try and celebrate your bday, both of which i left early coz of my parents. Damn, i do feel damn fked up.

I'm going to tell all of you that i'm gonna screw work and go to sleep while desperately trying to finish my fking reflections for the bloody RD that all of our students deserve, so there. GOodnite folks, glad you actually bothered reading through waht really can only be considered as a rat. Wait. A rant. Yup, that's right. Rnaty doodle couldn't pay his rent, so he bent for the tent and in it went. Oh dear lord what the shit HAHAHAHAHOIQ:HFl;anglbi;ornb;JIOBNAONNIjigbo;eio;bn ieonbnbaifondg brb sleep.

and on other news, what exactly did that retard do in class again?

when breathing takes an effort it also takes on an unnatural feel.

and once again, left awestruck by God and how He works on, and works with us. Even in the worst of times.. He is there :)

i'm not a good testimony. haven't been for a while.

i feel so fake on fb and twitter rofl rofl. sighz, my cough really isn't gonna go away is it. kinda miss sch, interacting with friends and shit. i know i'm ill when i can't look at the screen for more than 5 minutes without crying.

well, on to happier news. the tv program at the polyclinic is teaching me how to use sarongs as a defensive weapon, i find out that BB See from the noose is on twitter, and my history essays are untouched. that's right, happier news. you'd think given the ridiculous five (including tmr) day break i would have more than done my work, but no. fever ain't like that. cough ain't like that. running to the toilet tearing sneezing dying every now and then ain't giving me time to do work. can't take medication without being drowsy, can't wake up feeling better, can't live. i really miss sch. or rather, i really miss friends. stuck at home, and it ain't fun. i mean, i know i'm sick when i can't play DotA properly. Daim, that sucks.

i wish you'd send me smses asking if i'm fine, it makes me feel as though you care less about me than them. and honestly speaking, i wish that isn't the case. i ♥ those who express their care very much, but i wish you'd show more concern. heh, but things have changed, haven't they? (:

waking up with a heavier head after each period of rest. it's been five bzz.

confused by you ):

It's amazing how i've tonnes of awesome things to post about, but my parents spoil my mood the moment i get home.

Sometimes i wonder why i bother trying to make things right.

just kinda realise you always kinda make or break my day. gotta start giving control over my life to God, not you :)

for all that's happening i'm still a little down inside. this will pass, must pass.

so much for bday + election hype, Jesus is still the only one keeping me walking.

(:

heartbroken, truly.

The stars shone in grandeur across the inky night sky, illuminating a miniscule forest cover. There, lay a boy by the name of Hook. Surrounded by overshadowing oaks, with Sabrina secure in his arms. Sabrina refused to let him go. Young love, defined by its ridiculous tenacity of will, only ever leaves its victims broken. This story is officially over LIKE A BOSS coz i'm getting incoherent budda budda boom >:

Right, i'd say that was a jolly good attempt at emo fic fail. Might as well write about today while i'm in the mood.

Well..

It was fucking awesome! Ya'know why? It's motherf- History Day!

Admittably, ms ng's lesson was gd, as usual. I nvr cease to be amazed by how she can teach new stuff every bloody lesson, now there's a stellar example of a teacher. Probably gonna be using all the source based skills she teaches in her classes and apply them in Big E's lessons, which already are useless, and beyond mediocre in comparison.

Not gonna rant on in that line of thought though, coz like i said, today was fuckin' awesome! Somebody had a shot too many, probably downed a pill or two as well. Can't even begin to express what the lect and tutorial was like. Gonna try anyway heh.

Lecture! Let's run through the notes as if my students students can't read. Hell yeah i'm frkin' awesome. Darn funny too, now that i'm at it. I shall point out specific students who aren't paying attention to me - how can they?! my slides are so comprehensive it's almost as though they're exactly the same as my notes that cost $81! Hooray for being useful, and GREEN.

Meh, ttly no mood to slam or kwote anymore. Freaking sick of life, but i know this will pass. As always.

ugh can't stand losing DotA games coz of my team bzzzzzzz

12 6 21..

As I pray, and wait upon the Lord
I know your grace and now i am restored

As i think of all you've done for me
A mystery of your love

Who walked upon the sea?
Who lived to die for me?

You, Lord
You, Lord
You Are Lord

As I look upon who I am changed
Though I fail Your faithful love remains

As I sing and worship you found again
No Words Describe Your Love

Who watches over me?
Who's love has covered me?

You, Lord
You, Lord
You Are Lord

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Almighty One
There is none like you

There is none like you

No fucking thing going any fucking way i fucking want it to fucking be.

♥ cell group :)

free ramen at ajisen + free giant earthquake (ie. adrian paid) + cell members = happiness ttm! veh long neh so happy alr :)))

tired. who the hell tells you this shit this late?

there ain't too many happy things happening rn.

shld be contented with life, but.. wth.

can't even conc. on work nowadays, overly pre occupied.

life. pfft.

Doesn't take very long for me to change my mood huh.

Resonance

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be from a different family. Just for a day, a moment. What would change.

I'd like to be strong, and forge my own journey, but all that I'm writing, it's one damned tragedy.

---

I don't know why I bother smiling. Why I bother. What's with you anyway? Think you're funny? I'm sick of patronizing you.

---

You're too cute. I don't know what to do with you. I'm in love.

---

Who's that? Why'd you do that?

---

Darkness floods the chambers.

love this new blog skinz omg, shall be using this as my new blog hur :D

First test post! :D